Valentine’s Blues

I finally picked up the courage to ask
Out a woman I fancied she seemed a sweet lass
She smiled at me, winking and called me a knave
I was feeling like Lazarus just out of his grave
Valentines Day was the day that I chose
So showered and shaved ,I threw on my new clothes.
Dinner, a movie or maybe a gig
Wine and who knows, maybe something will twig.
I timidly tapped on the door of her flat,
What I saw could have knocked me clean out with a bat
A vision of beauty , her smile blindly dazzled
“Skip the dinner ,says she, we’ll go on the razzle”
I was agape and aghast and my mind couldn’t deal
With her Valentines notions just didn’t appeal
I was thinking of dinner and taking it slow
When into a naggin she started to mow
Then straight to the bar and she ordered a round
Knocking them back without making a sound
She repeated this motion like I wasn’t there
Then proceeded to climb up on top of a chair
And in time to the music she started to sway
To every song, the DJ would play
Now this is not how I pictured my date with this honey
With the boys from the rugby club throwing her money
I tried to remind her to we were here as a couple
When in came her husband and that kicked off the trouble
Tables got broken and bottles got smashed
And my romantic notions were thoroughly mashed
My dream had turned into a nightmare no doubt
It took all the bouncers to try get her out
She screamed we were finished , it was over alas
So I went to the Bridge cos I had a free pass.
So now as the fourteenth of February’s nigh
To all notions of romance I yield but a sigh
To Romeo dreamers let this be a lesson
A cautionary tale and a candid confession.
Your Juliet might be just all in your head
Before dating, try stalk her on Facebook instead.
And maybe just look for the obvious signs
Rings on the fingers and fondness for wines.
Don’t be fooled on the fourteenth, and think long and hard
Of Hallmarks invention, to make you buy cards.


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